Have You Ever?!?

See this skirt?

I own this skirt, only it is in dress form. Meaning that the same fabric they (down east outfitters) use here, is what makes up my dress. So I wear my cute dress to church on Sunday only to discover during sacrament meeting that I

Put my dress on INSIDE OUT!!!

Yes that little inside seam that is usually on the inside was in fact on the outside! My first response was sheer horror. My second response was to smile at my mistake and say to my church buddy Chantel, "Hey guess what?" and after her response of the "what" face, I simply just show her my seam from my dress. It was all we could do to stifle our laughter throughout the rest of the meeting.

My question I now pose to you is, have you ever? or can you one up this?

Today

Today is hard. In the past few weeks, I've been having some great experiences with the gospel and remembering who I am again. I think a lot of that has to do with my institute classes, lds.org with its mormon messages, and a pure desire to learn and grow. But sometimes, especially on days like today, I just feel overwhelmed with anxiety over my life and where I am at.

I went with my bffffff's from high school to the Lone Star Taqueria (featured once on the foodnetwork, yum!). It was weird to feel alienated by the mere fact that I am missing some jeweler on my left hand ring finger. It seems like everybody is growing older and moving onto the next part of their lives except for me. What makes it even harder is that in the past year, I've had to deal with some of the hardest trials with guys and dating. I didn't even realize how big of a ride this whole dating thing could be until I found myself stuck in some pretty lousy situations. The phrase when it rains, it pours has never seemed so true. But when all seems lost, I remind myself that

I can do hard things

Life is hard. Some have trials a whole heck of a lot worse then I do. And the thing is that life is supposed to be hard. It is how we handle the hard that is the test. That being said, I too can do hard things. Sometimes when we may not know the answers, the best thing to do is just to remember the blessings, don't give up, and keep on going.

crossroads

Its one of those times in my life where I am just not sure which way to go. My life feels like this ambiguous sign:

Some possibilities I'm considering are following Elizabeth Gilbert's life and going to Italy, India, then Indonesia to avoid men and to do some serious soul searching.

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), the reality is that due to grant money, I am stuck in Utah for at least a year. I mean, I am grateful to have gotten a grant but it doesn't give me an excuse to run away. Oh how I would love to run away right now because as we all know:

Maybe someday I will get this mess all figured out. But for now, I dream of India.

Great Adventures

Once upon a time I lived in Taiwan. In Taiwan, I learned that for me the beauty of life is found when I am with those that I love and trust exploring new and exciting things. My best memories of that little island include things like climbing monkey mountain, scooter rides to church, jumping off of waterfalls, speaking awful chinese, being with my students, surfing, deep sea diving, and well basically the whole entire thing was one giant memory of sheer joy.

Now one would think that with all of the experiences that i have had in the past year that my life would be filled with these same types of memories, but it hasn't necessarily been so. I've come to realize that experiencing life with my friends is more meaningful to me then experiencing a big life. That is why my latest adventure down the beautiful desolation canyon has been one of my greatest. I loved having the chance to paddle the entire time down the river and attempt to keep up with the boys. I really appreciate and loved being around such a great group of people and feeling like myself once again for the first time in quite a long time. So if anybody from this trip happens to read this, thank you for everything. it was wonderful. I hope that this is the catalyst towards becoming my normal self again with a life full of wonderful memories

Nanny Reflections

there are a few things in life that make me cry. some of which include watching white fang, boys who let me go to taiwan, the death of my dog Tanner, and the day that i said goodbye to my old nanny kid. for the privacy of this same ex nanny kid, i try to be pretty candid about my life and experiences while working with her and her family, however, i feel no apprehension expressing my feelings and emotions about her and sharing some of the experiences that we have had recently.

this past weekend I had the chance to go with the family to Montana, a land where you will see a taxidermy on just about on every street corner and find yourself talking with a hick accent saying things like howdy and ain't. it was fun to hangout with my ex nanny kid in the same way that we used to. she still looks to me to figure out how to act, asks me if she can have candy or go outside or whatever she needs to do, when she gets hurt she runs to me, i have no problems telling her i love her, but realize that it is important for her to know how lucky she is to have so many wonderful people in her life that love her such as me, her new nanny, her family, etc. i think about how curious it must be for a child to develop so many attachments to people and see them dissolve. i believe it is for this purpose that when i left her i cried so much because the reality of it is that i can't be her mother, i was just her nanny. but with being her nanny, i developed a strong love for her as i served her and acted as a mother would act towards a child.

as we were sitting and playing with linkin logs sunday morning i was singing. she used to tell me "you have a funny singing voice" to tease me, but this time around she started to cry and she looked at me and said "i miss you singing." it just about broke my heart. the reality of the situation is that i love this girl very much and she means the world to me but understanding this love just makes me realize the capacity for a mother to love a child is so much stronger then even i can understand. i think that perhaps one day, when i have my own family i will understand this love more. i realize every trip that i go on that by giving up my job, i gave up a ton of opportunities to see the world and to do great things, but perhaps as cool as that job was, even better things are in store for me. one day when i am quite grown up, having a family of my own will be the biggest blessing of all.

Pics from the ranch in Montana:

Catching Up - the Bahama Mama

Did you know that I went to The Bahamas?!?!?

It was probably the single most unrealistic experience of my life. I did things like jump off of my employers yacht into the blue water. At nights I rode on a speed boat to an island where I stayed in a cute house on the beach with the other nanny. I was able to fulfill my life long goal of swimming with sharks. I snorkeled under thunderball cave - the same cave from the James Bond movie. I was fed fancy yacht food (one of my favorite parts). We played on our own private islands with white sandy beaches all day long. I had my fare share of tube rides and jet skiing. It was a trip of a lifetime and one that I will most likely never have the chance to experience again and I loved every second of it :)

Spring Break Pics

For UVU's spring break, i went to California with my family (wow, does that sentence not sound like the beginning of a bad jr high paper addressing what was done for summer vacation?) Anyway, I found the vitamin d to be rejuvenating, disneyland to be magical, and the ocean to be full of waves. All was as it should be; a girl couldn't ask for much more!